THEY PUT ONE OF OURS IN THE HOSPITAL, WE SEND ONE OF THEIRS TO THE MORGUE!
COMMUNITY PROFILE:
You may remember Adam Sandler’s 1998 romantic comedy The Wedding Singer, in which he plays a thirty-five year old man with the brain of a twelve year old who raises a young waterboy to sing at weddings. What you might not know is that Kingston has its very own wedding singer: forty-five year old Mark Owens, who is available for nuptials, bar mitzvahs, bat mitzvahs, family reunions, staff Christmas parties, taxidermy exhibitions, and 4-H socials. Mark’s highly diverse repertoire of songs includes late Foreigner, Night Ranger, late Lou Gramm, early Foreigner, mid-period Foreigner, early Lou Gramm, Kajagoogoo, and mid-period Lou Gramm.
Mr. Owens possesses a booming baritone and manic intensity that he brings in full force to virtually any song he performs, regardless of tempo, lyrical content, or rhythm. Says Owens, “I’ve been asked before if I could, you know, vary my delivery, or practice a little more restraint, but I don’t see the point. I mean, no one ever said to Foreigner, ‘Hey, Foreigner, you’re the world’s greatest band, you’ve sold millions of albums, you live in mansions with naked women feeding you cheesecake with spoons made of cocaine, you’ve influenced everyone from Coldplay to Public Enemy to Cannibal Corpse, you could probably commit murder and no one would give a shit. But hey, you should still try another singer instead of Lou Gramm, despite the fact that he’s the greatest singer in the history of recorded music.’ That’s crazy! So no, I’m not gonna ‘vary my pitch.’ Who am I, Darryl Strawberry?” Owens then laughed, apparently forgetting that Darryl Strawberry was not a pitcher, and added that the most satisfying aspect of his work is adding to what is already the happiest day of his employers’ lives. “That’s the best, man. Seeing the couple dancing, and then I start in with ‘Urgent’, probably my favorite Foreigner song, with my man Snakebomb spitting fire, doing the Junior Walker sax solo, and I’m ripping my shirt off and showing off my tattoo of Mick Jones riding a half-snake/half-panther. Actually, maybe ‘Juke Box Hero’ is my absolute favorite…” Owens talked at length about the cover of Head Games after I shut off my tape recorder. I do not remember what he said. Call him at 55G-RAMM for booking information. Do not ask him about Air Supply.
RANDOM MAUNDERINGS: Rap music? What?… Just heard that Kingston is number one among Canadian cities in thought crimes… I’m OK with Unitarians, as long as they don’t try to recruit me. No, wait– I was thinking of acrobats… Don’t give me that bullcrap about blueberry pie… R.I.P. to Dom DeLuise. What was he in again? And who was he?
‘Til next time!
Darren Springer
Cannonball run was the best movie ever produced for less than the cost of the film it was recorded on. I believe Dom DeLuise played Burt Reynolds in that film, but I may be mistaken.